Too Much To Handle
by vballgirl1996
Summary: "Im so sorry," whispered Reid as he pulled the trigger. His note sat on the table innocently, waiting to be read. But what did he say in his final moments? ONESHOT


Dear friends,

You may expect me to spout off some facts or quotes about death or suicide like the Reid I always was, but you deserve more than an indifferent, unemotional goodbye. I am truly sorry for the pain that this will cause you, but I could find no other way. I was trapped and tormented and no one could help me. The memories of my kidnapping haunted me day and night, never giving me a moment of happiness. The wounds were too deep to be healed and I could no longer bare them. I hope that you will not think of me badly for taking the easy way out. I feared of what would become of me and I knew that I would have hurt you even more if I stayed with myself being broken beyond repair.

The bond between colleagues is one that could never be forged. In our line of work and seeing all of those gruesome sights, this bond kept us all together and sane. It especially reminded me why I did what I did and that I was not alone. All of you truly changed my life for the better and I pray that you will not be in despair at my choice. It was my choice and one I made willingly. None of you influenced my decision and nothing you could have done would have changed my path. Each and every one of you had a special place in my heart and in my mind, we were a family. One weird family, but still a family.

My decision is not one that I regret, although I regret the pain and sadness that you, my family, will have to go through. I tried my hardest to stay positive, but I soon realized that it was just a mask hiding my real pain. It was not a pain that could be healed though, and it would remain forever. That I could not deal with. I never regretted working at the BAU, even though it led to dangerous situations and eventually my kidnapping.

I know I was a nerdy young kid and no one took me seriously, but you all still gave me a chance and became true friends. You protected me as if I was your brother and for that I am grateful. I was very intelligent and knowledgeable, but my experience left much to be desired. Everyone took care of me when I needed it and they gave me my space when I asked. With everyone being profilers and knowing each other's business, you still understood privacy and were always there for me when I needed help in general or with a personal issue such as my mother. You trusted me with your lives and I trusted you with my life.

I ask you as my final wish to get on with your lives. Although mine is over, you still live. Be happy and joyful and get over my death. Mourn me, but do not become so overwhelmed with grief that it consumes you completely. Do not dwell on it, but dwell on the memories of happiness and playfulness that we had together. I want you to remember me as I was before any of this happened, not as the depressed and wounded man I was. I want you to remember the laughs and smiles of our time together. When you think of me, I want you to think of me with fondness.

Keep catching bad guys. Put them behind bars where they belong. I know you can do it without me and my input. Knowing that we beat the Unsub was the best feeling, and I want you to keep experiencing it. Fight the killers and stay safe for my sake. I will watch over you, but I am not God.

Even in death, I will never forget you and I hope you never forget me. The team will be my last thought, and I will die with a happy, peaceful smile on my face. I will love you forever Morgan, JJ, Garcia, Prentiss, Rossi, and Hotch. I hope that I will always be a part of our team. Goodbye for now and eternity.

Sincerely,

Spencer Reid

Morgan finished reading the note with a huge strain in his voice. Even the unemotional Hotch had tears in his eyes. Looking around at everyone else, his eyes were blurry as tears ran down his face. Sobs could be heard for miles as their best friend, their brother killed himself.

"Goodbye, pretty boy," Morgan whispered as he stared at Reid, dead, with blank eyes and no breath.

This was the day the BAU team would never forget.


End file.
